I can’t remember life being more uneventful or meaningless as it is right now. I love summer, and was so looking forward to this one! I had this idea in my mind it was going to be the best time of my life! But it’s been everything but. My friends are broke and boring, I only work one or two miserable shifts a week, I’m dieting so I can’t eat, I never see my sister, I’ve missed every concert I’ve been looking forward to because I have no one to go with, I have no boyfriend and the only prospect (not romeo) has suddenly lost interest, and I’m unhappy.
Usually I find joy in everything, but lately I can’t find it anywhere. Staying up till five in the morning and listening to music and watching adult swim use to be one of my favorite things to do! But now it’s only because I can’t sleep. I use to be totally ok with sleeping in until two, but now I feel lazy and worthless. I even like cleaning my room and doing laundry, because it means I stay busy and I’m getting organized. But now I don’t like doing that either :/
I wonder if it’s my diet? That’s the only thing I can think that has changed. Maybe the lack of foods I love has made me grumpy, and I’m just starting to realize it? Food is good for the soul! Having a gigantic bowl of cinnamon toast crunch could possibly be one of the most amazing small pleasures in life! And denying myself that (and many other things) might be making me upset. I can’t stop now though, california is in 27 days! I just need to get through this, and I hope then things will get better.
I’ve got some fun things planned for the coming month as well, so hopefully that will make it feel more like summer. The Mile HIgh Music Festival is in a few weeks and I really REALLY want to go! But I can’t find anyone else (that I like) who’s going :/ story of my life when it comes to concerts. It be nice to have a boyfriend!!!!! Geez. California is in a few weeks as well, and so is the renaissance festival, 4th of July (one of my favorite holidays!), Iowa, some other concerts, my friends’ birthday party (that is going to be HUGE!) and working out (which I just love by the way! *cough* *cough*)
I don’t know… I always wonder if I’m depressed, and if some medication or counseling would help me out? I’ve been depressed in the past, and sometimes I feel it coming back on (like right now) and wish I could just end it once and for all… but would I change if I did?
